Life is not a competition.

You know those people who have a lot of money, those who frequently go on a vacation overseas during every holiday on the calendar or even those who are simply living their best lives? On a smaller scale, what about a person who is academically smarter than you, who is the centre of attention or who is simply more attractive than you? Even if you’ve never spoken to the person you deem better than you much less exchange a hello, the spike of envy they trigger in you is natural.

However, it’ll start taking a negative turn the very second we take the bait of getting ourselves into “a comparison game.” Let’s not deny it, we’re all stuck in this game that is as old as humanity. Who do you most frequently compare yourself to? How often do you feel bad about yourself after knowing that the other person is doing “better” than you?

               

I’ve had thoughts like “I haven’t achieved anything worthwhile” or “I’m not as loved as so many others out there.” Due to this negative thinking, I could feel my own self-esteem plummeting and I tend to question why life is unfair. Eventually, I snapped myself back to reality when I realized that the problem was within me. I was too occupied with others’ general perception of success instead of paying attention to what I actually need. In short, all I needed to do was stop.

Here is how we should stop comparing ourselves to others:

• Be aware of your triggers

You don’t need to look far to know what triggers you. It can be all there on your phone or among your peers. It could be a certain person who is always bragging about the things they do or asking questions about your life that make you feel inferior. Sometimes, the activities that your friends share on social media can make you feel discontented about your life when you were just happy with it an hour ago.
Whatever your triggers may be, make a list of them and write how they affect you negatively. This way you can see why they’re simply a waste of time and you can start focusing on what’s good for you.

• Understand that people’s “outsides” can’t be compared to our “insides”

If you see your friend leading an active social life, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she isn’t lonely. For all you know, she might not receive much attention at home and going out to meet friends is the only way to relieve that loneliness. People can choose what to portray on their social media and the same applies when they live their life publicly. Therefore, when the life they portray on the outside gives you a reason to feel bad about yours, remind yourself that you don’t actually know what goes on behind them.

• Use comparison as motivation

It’s perfectly understandable that we can’t help but compare ourselves to others from time to time because the tendency to do so is almost like a natural instinct. If so, try looking at it from a more positive perspective. Who do you admire? Which comparisons you think might be actually good for you? This way you can solely focus on self-improvement instead of blindly chasing what others have.

• Be grateful

At the end of the day, it all comes down to gratitude. We as human beings have an awful habit of focusing the bad things instead of the good ones. We are so busy chasing the things we want to the point we forget to say thank you. If you commit yourself to be grateful for the good things in your life, you tend to be free from comparison and envy. It takes practice to remind yourself with it daily, but it gets easier stopping yourself whenever a trigger surfaces.

“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.” – Zen Shin

Life is not a competition. It is something that we should enjoy and savour every moment of it. We can miss out a lot in life if we’re constantly competing with others, and these people don’t even realize that which makes it even more pointless to do so. The only person you’re allowed to compare to is the you from yesterday. End the day by asking yourself “Have I become better than the me yesterday?”